Values and Ethics Over All.
From live TV to ayahuasca; the soul knows
14 years ago this week I graduated from a raw vegan culinary course. It was my first of many plant-based culinary courses Iād complete over the next 2 years. I spent several days at Torontoās St. Lawrence market under the watchful eye of Chef Claudia learning all of the basic tips and tricks to creating delicious and professional vegan and dehydrated concoctions.
It was 2012. The raw food scene in Toronto was taking off.
At the time I didnāt realize it, but adopting this Raw vegan culinary skillet was equally a business move as much as it was a tool for personal growth.
I quit my 11 year career in television production to āfollow my dreamsā which yes led to a decade long career in the holistic health and wellness space, but it also led me back to myself.
The period that I found myself in transition between TV and Costa Rica was full of growth and learning. It was pivotal not only for me professionally, but also personally.
After nearly two decades of not knowing who I was, doing everything possible to run away from myself, numbing through alcohol and an eating disorder, distancing myself from anyone who tried to love meā¦this transition into the health and healing space changed me.
When I did this particular raw vegan culinary training I was just coming off of a 9 month, 200 hour yoga teacher training - a period and practice in which I finally took the initiative to recreate my relationship with my body after years of self loathing and body dysmorphia. With this new love of raw food, I also began to redesign my relationship with food; for the first time in years not feeling that I needed to purge what I ate.
Yes, this career pivot served me very, very, well.
Looking back, I can also see that a big reason why Iāve had to leave my career TV because my integrity is coming into question. It became clear that the male dominated executive suite didnāt care much for those of us working at the production level and cared only about ratings and the bottom line. I found myself in situations where my place in the pecking order was offered in exchange for my body and towing the company line despite itās dysfunction became non-negotiable if I wanted to move up. I also began questioning an industry (news) built on fear.. I began to recognize just how far I had fallen off the path of my heart. And my soul began whispering to me all the ways in which my values were being compromisedā¦
Several years later I fell into a similar work dynamic. Once again the management team made up of manipulative men mostly concerned with image, ratings, and money. And while the outward mission of the company looked pure, it didnāt take much time for me behind the scenes to start to see that it was the same misguided and misogynistic power structures hiding behind a beautiful veneer.
My soul whispered once again. I listened for a time, and then hushed her. So she screamed. I quit my job. But then my ego (combined with the brainwashing and koolaid I was drinking) brought me back.
We were ādoing good workā after all, and helping so many. And I told myself, if there is good here - I can stay focussed on that .
Eventually though - my unwillingness to witness harm and perpetuate power dynamics in what claimed to be a deeply spiritual and human-first transformational space - freed me. Once again my integrity coming before all of the empty promises of wealth, health, and fame.
And what I have learned is this: our values and ethics are all weāve got.
Once we sell those ? Weāve already lost in life. If we are blessed with the privilege and freedom of choice (and I recognize that many are not), then we need to heed the niggles from the heart.
Sometimes we end up on a train barreling down a path that feels right at the start but then we realize that the train has fallen off the track. And it doesnāt feel good anymore. Weāre questioning the trajectory. The mission is off. And itās at that point that the best thing we can do is listen. And hop off. Sometimes it means rolling in the dirt, scraping our knees, maybe even breaking a bone or twoā¦
But Iād rather end up with some scars that remind me that I chose my truth over the fresh gaping wounds of a life lived in deceit or for someone elseās agenda.
My upcoming books are both teaching memoirs where I am taking my lived experiences and sharing what you as the reader might find interesting, inspiring, and useful in your own life. āThe Brand that Breathesā is a book on business, identity and pivoting from the heart. Itās set for release in late 2026 . My spiritual memoir āDark is the New Lightā will be available in 2027. You support means the world as I begin sharing short excerpts and short essays inspired by the content of both. Please subscribe, share, and comment!